Dear frens.....

dis would be my last weblog entry....i will be abadonin this blog with effect from todae onwards....

thank kew for the support for the past few months....

he isn't the boy i use to know animore...probably my abscence in his life change it... i felt lyke i had fallen...fallen right to the bottom of the well...juz like sadako...seein no light...prayin for help...for god...

at least he ish happy...at least i wasn't interfering... i tried luvin u no more...n tried luvin u more...in turns...both dun help...so i had decided... wasn't painful doin these...hence i decided.... there were times i could smell ur scent... dere were times i felt the nid to hug u...to tell u tat i love u...i reali do....but i noe u dun belong to me...

mummy n daddy...i sry for not attendin school...i noe i can't do these for long n im sry... dad...i know u asked wat change me...i juz wanna sae...nth...i juz nid time to grow... to grow outta dese mess dat i got myself into...

3mths down the road...i bound to excel...im tryin...im not sayin i must excel..but i will excel...for my sake...mummy n daddy plz be patient with my attitude...it wun last long.. i promise to be a better gal....

i die alone....wit all the pain..i endure so long....im breakin the habit tonitez... im lost entirely...i dun want anithing...i look striaght ahead....take a deep breathe... i dun wanna fall...i feel lyke im walkin on thin ropes hangin from one tree to the other....

with courage...

i dare to persuade....

with emotions....

i will descend....

with hopes....

i shall dream....

without love...

i wouldn't fail.....

without u....

i wouldn't fall....

with determination....

i shall stand....

with attitude....

i make it different....

For myself i dare to dream...for my mind i shall explore...for my heart i shall wait... for the right one to come.... kissing away the pain ish part my life right now.... i love you... believe me...but my love was left to rust....i plan to love u juz a much as b4... quietly...

To the one i love.....

to you i aint the world....

to me u meant my world....

for u...i change my world....

for me...i distorted ur world....

we build our world...

n lost it in rapid seconds...

for u...i cried...

for u....i smile...

the dae i left...

was the dae i luv u the most...

im here calling out for u...

i wonder...

if u could hear me...

whispering....

i love you.....

"  i can't believe you said dat! shut up...dun talk to me!" " u bitch...shut up!" words kept echoing....i went home early todae...i no longer can talk the shit...she quarrel wit me over her.....my concerns for her were superior... i realli duno wat esle or anithing esle i can do... i dun feel like havin a taste of wat frenship ish lyke animore....i agree... in frenship... dere will still be hardships...but itz drowning me...itz like churning me down the sea... i hate waters..n im afriad of them...i can't hide...i can't swim...i can't breathe... i feel so lost in my ring of good frens.....

i was so contaminated wit her wores dat i forgot mine....i was so busy mendin n unbreakin her heart....n 4got abt mine...

a heart breaks....

a circle doesn't....

but im not sure now...the circle mayb...had turn into sth esle...

aye...im glad i start to overcome it....the heartache dat i suffer.... sumtimes i guess i haff to give myself a chance to stand up...n be myself...wat i use to be...i use to love him.... but my world thrash after dat very dae...thou my knuckles was swollen...but it didn't replace how my heart seems to be like... for the moment....my heart stops....i couldn't breathe....everything was taken away....my whole world crashed right infront of me.... i told myself i dun desersve dis shit...

being in love...ish like playin wit fire...riskin it wit ur heart instead... i will always remember how broken i use to feel....i do feel it sumtimes...i do wish he sees dis entry... i have to thank god for givin me precious memories...to be wit him...to love him like noone esle will be...or mayb...i duno it myself... it doesn't matter to me animore... i had given everything...my very last breath did not die....not till the 20th may.... dis was the dae ware by i felt more heartache den ever....i was born to love..n taught later to hate.. but i can't bring myself to hate him.....

when tears blind my vision....when heart starts to break...i feel the agony n pain all over again....sumtimes i feel...mayb dyin ish the most beautiful thing in life....

i love you no more......i will be happy...without u...without ur prescence....i wun look back...neva...i wun regret...the onli regrets i haff ish.....not to let u earlier....